Sunday, May 30, 2010

That Brass Band At England Games

My unbridled optimism going into the 2010 World Cup has surprised even me. As a matter of record, before the tournament starts, here's my prediction:
England are going to win the 2010 World Cup.
What's more, we're not going to deserve to. Not really anyway. We're going to witness a vast outpouring of years and years of accumulated good luck and we are going to take the trophy in the spawniest manner ever witnessed. It is going to be excellent.
I can't see anything getting in the way of this except for one ever-present beacon of shitness that ruins every single international game for me, sitting at home watching the TV with a Red Stripe. And I don't mean ITV broadcasting the game (though it frequently makes me want to eat my own ears).
A quick search of the net reveals them to be The Wednesday Band. So annoying that their own club (Sheffield Weds) had to take a poll to decide whether to ban them from their own games.
Perhaps if they learned the rest of The Self Preservation Society it might be tolerable. Or a harmony part to their new "hit" The A-Team Theme. But just repeating the same 4 or 5 note phrases over leaden drumbeats only serves as a reminder of how uncolourful and flairless our national side can frequently be and how Mum-and-Dad-with-a-packed-lunch the travelling support always appears.
So, I beg of you brass band, leave the instruments in England for this World Cup. Or, if you're the poor bastards who have re-mortgaged their house to be in S.Africa and you get sat next to them then do the decent thing and pass on the news that the whole of the country's genuine football fanbase wishes they would shut the fuck up and stop making us all look like retarded xenophobic hand-clapping monkeys. It's our surefire way to winning this thing.

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