"We’re all going to be sick of these by the weekend"

You're Pushing Yourself Too Hard!

Hmmmm...

I've seen a few bits of illustration work that look ever so slightly like I might have done them but I'm always very wary of thinking it outright because the work I do is so small scale that I can't ever believe anyone would see any of it let alone be influenced by it in anyway. What I do is hardly unique either. But I can't help looking at the latest poster for comedian Jimmy Carr and wondering...

Illustration Fail

Mr Fairground Airbrusher: what were you thinking?

Heartbeats

I have listened to this song about 200 times in the last 24 hours. It might be perfect. Fuck it, it is. Jealousy levels?

As usual, You Tube Comments come up with the gold:

neelradhakrishnan (1 day ago) I agree, it is a different style and some may like it, however in my opinion it is not very good.

New Energi Molla Poster

I love doing these twice-yearly posters for the Energi Molla in Kongsberg, Norway. We came up with a rough rule that the poster should feature the building itself each time. So the previous 2 looked like this:





This time I wanted a different colour scheme and feel and was inspired by some photos of a snowy Kongsberg on Flickr. The rough idea being that even in the depths of winter, the venue glows with an excitable warmth. Marte at the venue sent me some photos of the building taken in her rear view mirror and it seemed to suit the idea in that it gives a feel of someone not really wanting to leave the warmth and happiness of the venue. Next up: Energi Molla as spaceship...

Six Finger Satellite

Splendid

Unwound

TV Adverts

Working from home means sitting in front of Dave all day in my pants eating eggs. There, I admit it. It means I have become very familiar with TV advertising to the point where I can recite certain ads word for word. I'm not proud of this. Here are a few that have been making me consider a career change of late:

Glade Air Freshener



"I want to do a poo in Paul's bathroom"
"No problem kid. Here's what's going to happen. Fuck off to Paul's house and have a poo and then when you're done see if Paul's Mum will wipe your shitty arse because I seriously fucking doubt it"

Optimax Laser Eye Treatment



This one is on the Freeview channels more than Jeremy Clarkson and it makes me wish someone would invent the mind eraser from Men In Black so I could wipe clean each of the twenty thousand times I've heard this woman say:
"I really do just bang on about it to anyone"
Do you? Do you maybe stop to consider they might not care? Isn't talking wildly about one subject to anyone indiscriminantly a sure sign of impending madness?
Amazingly, I couldn't find it online, save for this You Tube clip that appears to have been made by someone I feel a deep kinship with.

Peter Halpin's Cornering Of The Market





I am sure Peter Halpin is a nice guy. I hold nothing against him. And I know that the people in adverts are actors and actresses, even the ones for washing powders that are filmed shakily to make it more 'real'. I understand that. But I see this guy so many times in a day that when I dream he's started taking the place of my Dad.

Actually I just found this: http://www.youtube.com/user/peterwhalpin

and within it this:



I take it all back. Has someone superimposed END DAYS over the top of this montage or am I seeing things?

Samsung



"Act like a cunt to whoever you meet as long as it benefits you". As though anyone anywhere is doing anything remotely constructive with any of the time they have gained back by using faster technology. We use Broadband and hi-speed communications in order that we can sit around doing nothing more often, complaining that we're bored. Fact.
And you know when an advertiser uses a regional accent it's to soften the blow of an evil message by making it more friendly, more down-to-earth. Until they start using Norfolk accents in adverts for any other reason than comedy, I will remain unconvinced.

Berocca



Hard day at the office advertising guys? How on Earth did you think of this? That awesome dance routine, with treadmills and a vaguely 80s style pop song? Oh wait a second...



If sitting around all day on the internet is what it takes to work in advertising then where's my job?

Grrrr. More soon. Unless I do get a job of course.

Twin Peaks Party

When Matt, Neil, Selene and Chris moved house and wanted a housewarming party it was decided that, at long last and after many discussions in the pub as to who would be who, there would finally be a Twin Peaks Fancy Dress Party.
Photos here: http://www.flickr.com/photos/sumlin/sets/72157622229615654/
No Bob, no Man From Another Place, 3 Doctor Jacobys and a little too much to drink...
Good times.

New Work

Just completed this flyer and poster set for the Bodega in Nottingham:

Dikipedia

http://www.dikipedia.org/ - a Wiki of dicks.

From the entry for Victoria Beckham:

"She and an odd assortment of angular haircuts appear regularly in the tabloids, although paparazzi reportedly dislike her for refusing to smile on request. Perhaps it is because the smile in question resembles two greasy cocktail wieners pulled back to expose an unwrapped packet of Chiclets"

and of everyone's least favourite rock vocalist:

"Axl Rose escaped Lafayette in 1982—probably the smartest thing he’s ever done, all things considered—and wound up in Los Angeles. There he teased his hair, put on make-up, and performed with various local bands, including such spectacular butt rockers as Nikki Sixx (Mötley Crüe), Tracii Guns (L.A. Guns), and the absolute buttiest rocker of them all, Blackie Lawless of W.A.S.P. "

actually, make that this guy:

"Many dismissed Stone Temple Pilots as a second-rate Pearl Jam and Weiland as a second-rate version of Pearl Jam’s leader Eddie Vedder, himself a quintessential dick"

Lions

The photo archives of Life.com have these amazing photos by Michael Rougier of a family going about their daily business with a lion in the house. They are absolutely amazing. I cannot find anything out about them though, a quick Google search turns up nothing. Anyone?

You Tube 2

The second in an ongoing series of tremendous and inspiring You Tube videos juxtaposed with a genuine comment or comments posted about them by You Tube users.


jimmycage316 (2 months ago)
this is gay this faggit sounds nothin like arnie

mrbenholmes (2 years ago)
dude, good attempt but that is a shit arnie impression. Try harder, good concept but shit impresion. Do it again properly

kieren69 (2 years ago)
fuck off his arnie impression is the best on youtube. U aint got a clue pal

mrbenholmes (2 years ago)
As for you, keep liking ass & being an ignoramous that knows nothing of what he talks. Unless your talking about doing your mum as im sure you (and the entire navy) know a lot about that.Oh and why am i using swear words in an attack on you. Because you did.

mrbenholmes (2 years ago)
What the fuck would you know? Seriously? Are you an voice over artist? Probably not, am i YES. Get back in your hole dip shit. Its a good attempt.He does some difficult words but the structure of his impression isn't right. With more work he could do an awesome one. contd....

kieren69 (2 years ago)
lol u fuckin prick... ''the structure'' lol u aint got a fuckin clue u faggot. ''I'm a voice over artist'' are u fuck, your a little cunt who sucks his fathers cock.

mrbenholmes (2 years ago)
affraid its you who are the cock sucker, that is of course when your not doing you mountain gorrila mother in a 'kieren 69'. If you wana c whether im a 'lil cunt' or not i will happily meet up and kick the shit out of you... then cum over your mums face!

kieren69 (2 years ago)
anytime mate. Where ya from il kick the fuck out of you. Maybe you could do a little girls voice for when im stamping on your nugget head

mrbenholmes (2 years ago)
London, come down to peacocks kickboxing gym and i will happily slap the fuck out of you after a training sessoin.... dont worry i will go gently on you, not like i do when im ass fukin your mum

Felix Sneak Preview

There is a sneak preview of the upcoming Felix record on Kranky over at Pitchfork as part of their Forkcast: http://pitchfork.com/forkcast/13285-death-to-everyone-but-us/

Stage Blood Songs

Stage Blood represents the combined efforts of Misters Kearney (Eska, Empire Builder, The Royal We, Pro Forma), Hopkins (Hernandez, Eska, Doctor Jobby), Aitchison (Mogwai, Crippled Black Phoenix) and myself. It is our intention to bring YOU, the good people of the world, the powerhouse indie rock music you crave. We understand that tropical improvised reggae is the hot shit right now. Or gesture-based camp heavy metal. Or whatever.
But, using hipster Andrew Doig as a barometer, we understand that in the confines of your own home you blast out the wonderful musics of Chavez, Tanner, Drive Like Jehu, Hot Snakes, Fugazi, Elevate, Unwound, Circus Lupus and the like. You play air guitar or air drums. You do this in your pants. This, people of the world, is where Stage Blood come in.
Working in hi-tech isolation with qualified Doctor of Sound Kenny MacLeod in the city of Glasgow which is in a country called Scotland, we recorded 3 songs as "demonstrations" of our plan.
Luckily, Rupert Murdoch has kindly offered to host these songs on his Myspace website so why not go over there, listen loud and then "add" us to your "friends".
We wil be touring these musics briefly and at exceptional volume in October.

Pontiak

Loving Virginia's Pontiak at the moment. They have moments where they remind me enormously of Pearls & Brass in their spiralling, cosmic riffery and vocal styles but it's coupled to more psychedelic tendencies and a slight Lungfishian mantra-like quality. Plus, they are brain-meltingly heavy live. Always a bonus.

Here's the first song off their most recent LP Maker (on Thrill Jockey):

Resonance Phenomena

Doing some research into Resonance Phenomena and Cymatics for a pair of sleeves for the recent Kogumaza recordings. I'm trying to work out what patterns the fundamental notes of the music would make and whether those patterns are absolute and readable like a form of musical notation. It's breaking my brain. Unsurprisingly, David Icke in on the case first...

Kenilworth Castle

Kenilworth Castle is a splendid place. It even looks good from a satellite miles above us.
It's been knocked down and re-built countless times and used to stand in front of a huge lake. Queen Elizabeth I is supposed to have tried the first potato in the UK at the Castle. She apparently ate it raw and found it so foul she threw it out of a window. Charmed, ma'am.
Read about it here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kenilworth_Castle
I've been round the outside of it hundreds of times but a job doing wedding photos for Katy meant getting to see the inside on the grounds of 'research'. It was the hottest day in memory. Photos: http://www.flickr.com/photos/sumlin/sets/72157622004180758/

Holiday Snaps

Photos from France are here: http://www.flickr.com/photos/sumlin/sets/72157619327131268/

Jeremy Clarkson

New Holga Photos

Getting a card box from Peak Imaging every month or so is like a little mini-Xmas for me. Until I realise I left the lens cap on for all 12 photos. Luckily I remembered to take it off for this recent batch:







More here: http://www.flickr.com/photos/sumlin/sets/72157614224224605/

Qisa "Machine" CD Artwork

Just completed this CD sleeve for Derby band Qisa. The brief was to create something that had nods to the music the band play (essentially "butt-rock" in the style of the good bits of GnR and Motley Crue with some heavy duty Hendrix and 70s rock influences too) but didn't look too cliched. We went with an autumnal colour scheme and a rough theme of re-growth and fertilisation (oo-er) with some bikini-clad ladies for good measure.
I think I might have been subconciously influenced by the hummingbird/softcore porn vibe of the Papa M singles collection on reflection, with a bit of Shivering King by Dead Meadow thrown in too.
The research consisted of looking at some nature photography and archived galleries from Razzle and Knave. It was a real bind.

Quick! Before the BBC take it down again

This footage occasionally surfaces on You Tube before the BBC (presumably) gets it taken down for copyright issues. That's a shame because it's all kinds of wonderful. First of all you've got John Lee Hooker on his first visit to the UK in 1964, being utterly transfixing (prepare well for the scream at 2 mins). Then you've got the original Groundhogs line-up as the backing band keeping it the perfect side of grimy and sitting on that groove like only they can (you can see TS "McFree" McPhee and his Cherry Red SG at 15 secs in). But most amazing of all is the 'chef'. This clip is much admired among some of my friends and they all refer to it as 'The Chef Clip'. See if you can work out why...

Famous in Notts

http://www.leftlion.co.uk/photo-galleries.cfm/id/284

The Big Gig Poster Clearout!

I am in the process of moving house over the next month or so. Right now in my 'dining room' is a huge plan chest filled with poster prints. Hundreds of them. If I were more patient I would do some form of stock take on them but my stock take in reality consists of me looking at this Volvo-sized cabinet and thinking: "I cannot be arsed to move this to another house".
In short, I want to get rid of these things. They take up tons of room, I want a dining room in my new house not a room filled with crap.

So, I have done lots of offers on these things but basically they're £5 per poster. However, because I need to shift as many of them as I can I'm going to say for every THREE anyone buys I'll chuck one in for free. Making 4 posters cost less than 4 quid each.

Here's the blurb on them:

I've designed over 200 posters for shows over the last 7 or so years.
These are posters made first and foremost to promote the shows in question, they were printed up at the time and plastered over venue walls, pub toilets and other exciting places. I even put one on a guy's back once and let him walk round Nottingham with it for a day before he noticed. That's another story though.

I started re-printing these in very small numbers a few years back. They're all a little larger than A3 in size (somewhere around 310mm wide by 430 mm high give our take a few mmmmmms) and they fit very pleasingly into a standard clip frame from Wilkos. They're litho-printed using a machine that cost a million pounds. This isn't a joke, it really cost a million pounds. Needless to say, I don't own it. It lays the colours down as pure tones meaning these look absolutely perfect, bright, vibrant and flawless. They're also printed on various types on heavy paper stock, usually Splendorgel (if you're in the business). That means very thick, matt-textured paper if you're not. They look and feel (and smell) tremendous.

A HUGE GALLERY OF THEM ALL IS HERE: http://www.honeyisfunny.com/catalogue.html

And there are also limited prints of illustrations I have done for magazines like Plan B. A more complete gallery is on my Flickr site here:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/sumlin/sets/72157594212951999/

So thats:
£5 EACH or FOUR FOR £15

Plus postage to your part of the planet which is: £2.50 in the UK and £3.50 elsewhere. To a maximum of 4 posters per tube.

I accept the wonderful rip-off Paypal (though ask that we split the fees they impose if that's cool), cheque or glorious cash.

Bear in mind I have limited numbers of some of these so if you want to send a cheque or cash then bear in mind it has to be first come first served so please list alternatives. I guess that's the benefit of paying instantly with Paypal. I knew there had to be one benefit...

　
Any questions, or to order or check availability, email me at:
honeyisfunnyATfastmailDOTfm
(replace the AT with @ and the DOT with a dot!)

Supersonic

Just got back from this year's Supersonic Festival in Birmingham. Pictures when I have time to wade through the 700 shots I drunkenly took of Monotonix. The festival was splendid as ever and as if they didn't look after you enough, there is a limited edition LP (on appealing spunk-coloured vinyl) on the Capsule label that documents Harvey Milk's 1st ever UK show, headlining last year (pictured above). They were a comprehensive mindmelt that finished off my brain. They also made Ross McGivern take a running celebratory hoof at what he thought was a beercan only to find out (upon high speed foot contact) that it was a steel fixture for mounting a fountain that wasn't going anywhere even if you drove a truck into it. Picture (not for the faint hearted): http://photos-a.ak.fbcdn.net/photos-ak-sf2p/v295/228/78/622891490/n622891490_1045504_677.jpg
Commemorate this stupid injury and our night spent in Selly Oak casualty by purchasing this glorious chunk of wax:
http://www.capsule.org.uk/blog/2009/08/harvey-milk-live-at-supersonic-08/

PRAISE

Spin Spin The Dogs

Spin Spin The Dogs, Prize Pets, Din Din
July 30th at The Chameleon in Nottingham

Probably going to hell for this one...

ATP Photos

Now showing at Flickr: ATP Vs The Fans

Employment

I really am not much of a web designer. Despite this, I've just given my homepage
( www.honeyisfunny.com ) a light re-jig in preparation for something I will now christen "Operation: Job".
I need to step up my freelance work.
So, if you work in publishing, magazine editorials, advertising or just about anything that requires illustration work then get in touch. Or be awesome and forward me the emails of your bosses.

Flower Corsano Duo Poster

New poster...
This show is going to be great. I urge anyone within a 1000 mile radius to attend.

Bilge Pump - "Rupert The Sky"

When Drowned In Sound redesigned their website, this review got lost. I found it again so here it is:



Aaaah, Bilge Pump.

There exists in the UK a sub-underground culture of bands that make fine music but never stick their head above the trench long enough for anyone to truly notice it. It's not a reflection on the quality at hand but more on the way that people pick up on bands and respond to things like 'hype' on a really basic person-to-person level. The UK has always had a really strong and interconnected network of bands like this, from which a Franz Ferdinand or a Foals has occasionally sprung, again not as a reflection of quality but more a reflection of ambition and willingness (and opportunity) on those bands' part to 'play the game' a little.

Ben Patashnik's comment (in the Dis review) that Bilge Pump have somehow got the potential to "grow into being a fine underground band" is a statement that perfectly encapsulates what I am referring to. If by 'underground' band he means a band like the aforementioned Foals or Mclusky who are 'underground' in the sense of that being a buzzword or a descriptive term of their output (in the same way as 'indie' has become) then he is right. With some 'work' and a little direction then they could become that. I don't doubt it. But those bands are as overground as it gets. The band isn't just the people playing and writing the music, it's a whole network of individuals making it happen for the small cottage industry that is 'the band'. Which is all fine of course but it's not to be mistaken with what this is.

The actual "underground" in the UK is just that. Underground. Self-sufficient. Relatively undisturbed. It exists on a rung way below even the most lowly touring bands that arrive on our shores from the USA. Despite this, Bilge Pump have become not just a fine underground band, but the finest, bar none. The influence of this band, both as a musical unit and as people, is hugely far reaching. Cultish even.

Fortunate then, that the second album from them, Rupert The Sky, is so amazingly, heart-swellingly awesome.

Every song is a microscopic world filled with ideas (both musical and lyrical) that lesser bands could extend to entire concept albums. Musically it swings and rocks as hard as Zeppelin at times, as a 3 piece band they have a natural psychic ability to make absolutely anything, no matter how noisy, possess an irresistable groove. It's humorous but never wacky, noisy but never blustering, complicated but never pointless. The lyrics are a series of perfect little snapshots, like some strange haiku. Lines like

"We were genuine happy children, but our Dad was a miserable cove. His parting shot... spread his brains across my frock"

are as bizarre as they are rich in their knack for setting a scenario that would be far less complete were it described in any more detail. Couple this to a musical language that is entirely their own and any notions of comparing Bilge Pump to other bands seems somehow redundant.
When people talk about bands existing out of the mainstream or being independant it's usually an 'angle', and more to the point you're usually being told that by a manager or a journalist thus making the whole statement something of an oxymoron. In a way, it's a shame Bilge don't make more of their history, lineage and influence on others as maybe listing a series of celebrity fans of the band might make it easier for shitty journalists to fill a few hundred words and maybe it'd give people an 'angle' on them. But at the same time, it's what makes them (and this record) so amazing.

The only reason I didn't give it 10 is because there's not enough of it and I'm gutted that I'll have to wait another couple of years for the next one.

Felix Artwork

Mock-ups for the finished artwork for the forthcoming Felix album "You Are The One I Pick". Photos by Lucy, layout by me and tweaking, nudging, kerning and all-round design excellence courtesy of Craig McCaffrey. Who played in the band Paul Newman. The world is small...
(Please don't use these without permission)

Here's some photos of it's creation (click the photo):

New Poster

New poster for Baba Yaga's Hut at Corsica Studios for their upcoming Master Musicians Of Bukkake and Flower Corsano Duo show.

New Holga Photos

Yet more Holgary goodness arrives in the post from the processing lab: http://www.flickr.com/photos/sumlin/sets/72157614224224605/

Kurt's Guitars Now

http://kurtsguitarsnow.blogspot.com/

Awesome, geeky guitar website about Kurt Cobains equipment and where it is now. Also includes stuff that didn't belong to him that his missus sold to the Hard Rock Cafe anyway.

My Lucky Horse - An Appeal

One of the achievements in my life I am least proud of is that (according to their old website) I have played the now-deceased-but-soon-to-be-revived Highbury Garage venue in London 18 times. That is a colossal waste of anyone's time.
Early on in this procession of pointless jaunts down the motorways of England, I developed a bit of a superstition.
On the Archway Road, in Highgate, there used to be a shop called E.Ploton Sundries that sold art equipment on the right hand side as you come into London. The address is 273 Archway Road.

In the window above the shop is a fantastic ornament of a horse. It's about 12 inches across and looks like it's made out of painted white wood, or maybe even ivory.
Before E.Ploton closed, Flickr user London RIP took this photo of the shopfront and you can see 'my' horse clearly in the window above it on the right:



I have no idea what made me notice it but when I did, the gig that followed went very well. So well that next trip down I made a point of looking at the horse as we entered London.
And so it's gone on. Everytime we go to London for music I have to set eyes on the horse or it's a guaranteed bad gig. I'd even drive out of my way to see it. I have taken a few pictures of it over the years, all from passing cars and all terrible. I even made the band Fixit Kid detour and stop the van on the way back from a gig in Camden that had gone horribly so that I could show them where the horse is for future trips to London.
A while ago, the lovely signage of E.Ploton was removed to make way for it's new tenants Orchid Florists who are still in there now.
I guess the room it resides in is a flat. The horse has been there for over 10 years now easily so it has to belong to someone who lives there as opposed to it being a store room or something.

So here is my appeal. If you own the horse then name your price. I will pay anything within reason for the horse. Or I can trade you something for the horse. Or, if you require some graphics work doing I will oblige in exchange for the horse. If you live near the horse then please relay my appeal to the owners of the horse. If you work in Orchid under the horse then please get in touch with insider information on the horse.
It's become such an important part of my gigging life that I feel owning it myself would somehow align the universe. It'd certainly make my front room look at least 600% more awesome at the very least.

Thanks for reading. I know one day I'll drive past and it won't be there anymore, I'd like that to be because it's in my front room.

Whose Idea Was This? Pt II

If you'd shown me this 10 years ago my mind would have imploded.

Whose Idea Was This?

I had the fortune/medical misfortune to have to stand in front of J Mascis soundchecking a guitar through 3 full stacks and a Fender Twin last week. It was like dental floss for my brain. It led me to Dinosaur on You Tube where I found this:



What the christing hell is going on here? Dinosaur on the Letterman show around the Green Mind era doing The Wagon but with the house band playing too. Whose idea was this? Murph's relegated to standing up playing toms and the house guitarist goes in two-footed with a solo over the vocals that might as well be a 7ft tall middle finger in Mascis' face. I don't know much about Dinosaur's personal lives but I do hope they were all seriously high for their sakes.

You Tube

The first in an ongoing series of tremendous and inspiring You Tube videos juxtaposed with a genuine comment or comments posted about them by You Tube users. When the aliens land and take Earth to some universe-court-of-law (I imagine it to be like the futuristic chamber in Bill & Ted) then You Tube comments will be Exhibit A in the case for the mass cull of humankind. Anyway, I give you Washington DC's Nation Of Ulysses performing in DC in 1991 as a 4 piece without Steve Kroner who had been packed off to do medical experiments*:



biggayUtube (8 months ago)
Where's all the fucking dancing and good times and subversively making out promised in their album cover screeds? It's just a bunch of too-cool shy kids standing still and watching a ponce fall down.

* Possible fib.

Actual Conversation

Overheard at a gig...

Band member: "Hey man, have you got any jams?"
Promoter: "What?"
Band member: "You know, like, jams. That you could, you know, play before we play?"
Promoter: "What?"
Band member: "You know, like, jams. Party jams. That you could, you know, like, play over the you know, like, system before we play"
Promoter: "Oh. Like what?"
Band member: "You know, like, jams"
Promoter: "Such as?"
Band member: "Oh. Like, anything really".

New Holga

Some new Holga-ry goodness, this time from France:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/sumlin/sets/72157614224224605/

Actual Proof Of God's Existence

At least Ricky gets to spend the next few weeks at home enjoying the unseasonably good weather.

Nasal Concerto

Phil & Joanne's Wedding

Photos and videos from Lord and Lady Welding's big day at Augill Castle here:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/sumlin/sets/72157619003246001/

A bit of Led Zep for you:

Ultrapenis

Having promoted gigs since the late 90s, I've noticed a few changes to the way things work with bands coming over from the USA. It used to be that the bands were largely the same as me, they were involved in similar exploits to me back in their hometown and it had the cosy feeling of camaraderie.
Then the booking agents got more plentiful and the guarantees got more unrealistic. Then the bands themselves started seeming like alien creatures who no-one could relate to operating in microcosms of the larger mainstream rock industry.
Somewhere along the line of ATP reformations, NME-covered guerilla gigs and 'emotional hardcore' becoming the musical norm, the tag "DIY" has shifted from meaning "do it yourself" to being more of a term of description for a musical style or, worse still, a type of dress. If this all makes me sound like an old fucker then fair enough.
The economic climate and the way money is made from music means that bands can't live off touring and recording anymore. And by 'live' I mean make a minimum wage, barely. So the bands that tour are people with some financial security and it's fucking the music world right up. Because of the intense documenting of behaviour that the internet affords, gigs become almost tribute nights. Even the photographers at the front are there to replicate something they already saw from a gig that already happened. Couple this to only seeing bands who are fortunate to be able to afford to live out fantasies of bands they liked when they were growing up and you can work out why I'm grumpy.
Worst of all is American bands using the DIY network to further their own asses. The worst of the bunch is Wavves. Maybe I misread them? Maybe I got the wrong end of the stick? Could be.

But read this:

"I think in the back of my head I knew I wasn't exactly mentally healthy enough to continue to tour the way I have been since February. Honest truth is this has all happened so fast and I feel like the weight of it has been building for months now with what seems like a never ending touring and press schedule which includes absolutely zero time to myself. I'm sorry to everyone who has put effort into this and to everyone who supported me. Mixing ecstasy valium and xanax before having to play in front of thousands of people was one of the more poor decisions I've made(duh) and I realize my drinking has been a problem now for a good period of time. Nothing else I can do but apologize to everyone that has been affected by my poor decision making. I made a mistake. Not the first mistake I've made and it for sure wont be the last. I'm human. Don't know why I chose the biggest platform I could imagine to loose my shit, but that's life. You live and you learn."

and tell me you don't want to punch the face right off this overpriviliged, typically-American little whiner.

Ouch

Just got back from a week in Les Forges, near Poitiers, in France.

It was a week of excellent tranquility with one exception. After an evening spent exploring meadows, petrified forests, pastures, woods, lakes and the like, I settled down to watch a James Bond film only to suddenly feel a very painful concentrated pinch to the base my erm... "chap". It was enough to make me jump. I feared a pube entanglement until a repeat occurrence sent me scurrying to the loo to check inside my shorts.

Good job I did because one of these was clamped onto my groin:



I had no fucking clue what it was and immediately dissolved into a liquid-like mess of panic based around the quite reasonable assumption that this spider/scorpion thing had just laid it's eggs in my penis. This panic was enhanced by the discovery that not only had whatever it was bitten me, it was hanging on for dear life too. It took me about 3 goes to detach it from my flesh and then throw it down the sink like a big girl before whimpering at the sight of two freshly bleeding teeth marks in my youknowwhat.

Turns out it was a Tick; an external parasite that lives off the blood of mammals. They like woodland areas, especially those with deer and human track areas. They like humid, slightly damp conditions and they basically hang around waiting for something nice and living to be a host for them. The warmth emitted from my flowing short leg was enough to convince this one that my genitals were prime Tick real estate. I'm flattered.

The bad news is they carry all kinds of fucking hideous diseases (mainly Lyme Disease) and there are horror stories online of people being paralysed or going mad as a result of an untreated bite.
The good news is they can sometimes hang about on you for over a day without you noticing and can be next-to-impossible to detach after getting this comfy so good job it chose a particularly sensitive spot to sink itself in and I managed to get rid of it within a few minutes.

Pleased to report no side effects, temperature, swelling or mentalism as yet. Will update with any breaking developments.